New York Times & USA Today Bestselling Author

Chapter Headings

The Grim Reaper’s Collection of Sayings

This is a much-requested collection of the sayings at the beginning of each chapter in the Charley Davidson series. 

First Grave On The Right

Chapter  1 ~    Better to see dead than be dead.  —CHARLOTTE JEAN DAVIDSON, GRIM REAPER

Chapter  2 ~  So many dead people, so little time. —CHARLOTTE JEAN DAVIDSON

Chapter  3 ~ Never knock on death’s door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that. —T-SHIRT

Chapter  4 ~ I love children, but I don’t think I can eat a whole one. —BUMPER STICKER

Chapter 5 ~ Jenius. —T-SHIRT

Chapter 6 ~ ADD. A lifetime of distractions. —T-SHIRT

Chapter 7 ~ Genius has its limitations. Insanity … not so much. —BUMPER STICKER

Chapter 8 ~ Guys have feelings, too. But like … who cares? —INSPIRATIONAL POSTER

Chapter 9~ You know you have ADD when— Look! A chicken!—T-SHIRT

Chapter 10 ~ Don’t fear the reaper. Just be very, very aware of her.—CHARLOTTE JEAN DAVIDSON

Chapter 11 ~ I’d have a longer attention span if there weren’t so many shiny things.—T-SHIRT

Chapter 12 ~ Reyes Farrow. Because perfection is a dirty job, but someone has to do it. —CHARLOTTE JEAN DAVIDSON

Chapter 13 ~ Well-behaved women rarely make history.—LAUREL THATCHER ULRICH

Chapter 14~ Well, this is awkward.—T-SHIRT

Chapter 15~ Life isn’t about finding yourself. It’s mostly about chocolate. —T-SHIRT

Chapter 16~ Sarcasm. Only one of the services offered. —T-SHIRT

Chapter 17~ Do not disturb. Already there. —T-SHIRT

Chapter 18~ When fighting clowns, always go for the juggler. —BUMPER STICKER

Chapter 19~ I may not look like much, but I’m an expert at pretending to be a ninja. —BUMPER STICKER

Chapter 20 ~ Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons,for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. —BUMPER STICKER

Chapter 21~ A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. —STEVEN WRIGHT

 

Second Grave On The Left

Chapter  1 ~    GRIM REAPERS ARE TO DIE FOR.—T-SHIRT OFTEN SEEN ON CHARLOTTE JEAN DAVIDSON, GRIM REAPER EXTRAORDINAIRE

Chapter  2 ~  DON’T CROSS THE STREAMS. NEVER CROSS THE STREAMS.—BUMPER STICKER

Chapter  3 ~ WITH GREAT BREASTS COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY. —T-SHIRT

Chapter  4 ~ IF IT HAS TIRES OR TESTICLES, IT’S GONNA GIVE YOU TROUBLE. —BUMPER STICKER

Chapter  5 ~ WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU GET SCARED HALF TO DEATH, TWICE? —T-SHIRT

Chapter  6 ~ NEVER BE AFRAID TO DART AROUND IN PUBLIC,HUMMING THE MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE THEME SONG. —T-SHIRT

Chapter  7 ~ I STOPPED FIGHTING MY INNER DEMONS. WE’RE ON THE SAME SIDE NOW.—T-SHIRT

Chapter  8 ~ IS IT SEXY IN HERE OR IS IT JUST ME?—T-SHIRT

Chapter  9 ~ UPON THE ADVICE OF MY ATTORNEY,MY SHIRT BEARS NO MESSAGE AT THIS TIME.—T-SHIRT

Chapter  10 ~ I WAS AN ATHEIST UNTIL I REALIZED I WAS GOD. —BUMPER STICKER

Chapter  11 ~ YOU CAN OBSERVE A LOT JUST BY WATCHING. —YOGI BERRA

Chapter  12 ~ YEAH, BUT WHAT IF LIFE HANDS ME PICKLES? —BUMPER STICKER

Chapter  13 ~ DON’T GO BUYING TROUBLE. IT’S FREE AND IT KNOWS WHERE YOU LIVE.—T-SHIRT

Chapter  14~ SOME GIRLS WEAR PRADA. SOME GIRLS WEAR GLOCK 17 SHORT RECOIL SPRING-LOADED SEMIAUTOMATIC  PISTOLS WITH A LOADED CHAMBER INDICATOR AND A NONSLIP GRIP. —T-SHIRT

Chapter  15~ WHERE AM I GOING AND WHAT AM I DOING IN THIS HANDBASKET?—BUMPER STICKER

Chapter  16~ NATIONAL SARCASM SOCIETY: LIKE WE NEED YOUR SUPPORT.—BUMPER STICKER

Chapter  17~ YOU KNOW THOSE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE? I’M THAT.—T-SHIRT

Chapter  18~ IF AT FIRST YOU DON’T SUCCEED, FAILURE MAY BE YOUR THING.—T-SHIRT

Chapter  19~ JUST BECAUSE I DON’T CARE DOESN’T MEAN I DON’T UNDERSTAND.—T-SHIRT

Chapter  20~ THE ONLY THING WE HAVE TO FEAR IS FEAR ITSELF. AND SPIDERS. —BUMPER STICKER

 

Third Grave Dead Ahead

Chapter  1 ~    Death comes to those who wait. And to those who don’t. So either way …     —CHARLOTTE JEAN DAVIDSON, GRIM REAPER

Chapter  2 ~  There is a great need for a sarcasm font. —T-SHIRT

Chapter  3 ~ Damn it, Jim!—T-SHIRT

Chapter  4 ~ Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.—T-SHIRT

Chapter  5 ~  I know karate, and like two other Japanese words. —T-SHIRT

Chapter  6 ~ Ask me about my complete lack of interest.—T-SHIRT

Chapter  7 ~ I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.—T-SHIRT

Chapter  8 ~ When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.  —T-SHIRT

Chapter  9~ What would MacGyver do? —T-SHIRT

Chapter  10 ~ The police never find it as funny as you do. —T-SHIRT

Chapter  11 ~ Mistakes were made. Others were blamed.—T-SHIRT

Chapter  12 ~ Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. —T-SHIRT

Chapter  13 ~ A Nun’s Life: Chastity, poverty and obedience. Wait, chastity?—BUMPER STICKER

Chapter  14~ Time to make today my bitch. —T-SHIRT

Chapter  15~ If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is NOT for you.—BUMPER STICKER

Chapter  16~ There comes a moment when you know you just aren’t going to do anything else productive for the rest of the day. —T-SHIRT

Chapter  17~ Cleverly disguised as a responsible citizen.—T-SHIRT

Chapter  18~ There are very few personal problems that can’t be solved with a suitable application of high explosives.—T-SHIRT

Chapter  19~ I am an instrument God uses to annoy people.—T-SHIRT

Chapter  20~ Some days you’re the cat. Some days you’re the brand-new, suede leather Barcalounger.—T-SHIRT 

Chapter  21~ I chose the road less traveled. Now I’m lost. —T-SHIRT

Chapter  22~ If all hell breaks loose, blame gremlins.—T-SHIRT

Chapter  23~ Seemed like a good idea at the time.—T-SHIRT

Chapter  24~ If life hands you lemons, keep them. Because, hey, free lemons.—T-SHIRT

Chapter  25~ An integral part of any best friend’s job is to immediately clear your computer history if you die. —T-SHIRT

Chapter  26~ Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train.—T-SHIRT

Chapter  27~ Sorry about what happens later.—T-SHIRT

 

Fourth Grave Beneath My Feet

Chapter  1 ~ Only two things in life are certain. Guess which one I am. —CHARLEY DAVIDSON, GRIM REAPER

Chapter  2 ~ Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you’re done. —T-SHIRT

Chapter  3 ~ Welcome back. I see the assassins have failed.—T-SHIRT

Chapter  4 ~ You can’t fix stupid, but you can numb it with a 2 by 4.—T-SHIRT

Chapter  5 ~  Hi. I’m Trouble. I heard you were looking for me. —T-SHIRT

Chapter  6 ~ Why kill them with kindness when you can use an axe?—T-SHIRT

Chapter  7 ~ Happiness isn’t good enough. I demand euphoria! —T-SHIRT

Chapter  8 ~ Insanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes its time,and gets to know everyone personally.—T-SHIRT

Chapter  9~ Two drinks away from girl-on-girl action.—T-SHIRT

Chapter  10 ~ Facing your fears builds strength. But running away from them builds hamstrings.—BUMPER STICKER

Chapter  11 ~ Since killing people is illegal, can I have a Taser just for shits and giggles? —T-SHIRT

Chapter  12 ~ When I want your opinion, I’ll remove the duct tape. —T-SHIRT

Chapter  13 ~ Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster and with more energy.—T-SHIRT

Chapter  14~ Used Tombstone for Sale: Perfect for someone named Charlotte Davidson.—AD

Chapter  15~ Your existence gives me a headache. Go stand over there.—T-SHIRT

Chapter  16~ Don’t judge me because I’m quiet. No one plans a murder out loud.—T-SHIRT

Chapter  17~ I meant to behave. There were just too many other options.—T-SHIRT

Chapter  18~ That which doesn’t kill me had better run pretty darned fast.—T-SHIRT

Chapter  19~  When life hands you lemons say,“Lemons? What else have you got?”—BUMPER STICKER

Chapter  20~  It puts the lotion in the basket.—T-SHIRT

 

Fifth Grave Past the Light

Chapter 1~ Ask me about life after death. —T-SHIRT OFTEN SEEN ON CHARLEY DAVIDSON, A GRIM REAPER OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS

Chapter 2~ I intend to live forever. So far, so good. —T-SHIRT

Chapter 3~ 667: The neighbor of the beast. —BUMPER STICKER

Chapter 4~ I’m a virgin. But this is an old shirt. —T-SHIRT

Chapter 5~ I may not have any skeletons in my closet, but I do have a little box of souls in my sock drawer. —T-SHIRT

 Chapter 6~ I’m not 100 percent certain, but I think my cup of coffee just said, “You’re my bitch.”—STATUS UPDATE

Chapter 7~ I am currently unsupervised. It freaks me out, too, but the possibilities are endless. —T-SHIRT

Chapter 8~ It’s all fun and games until someone loses a testicle. —T-SHIRT

Chapter 9~ Whoever is in charge of making sure I don’t do stupid shit is fired. —T-SHIRT

Chapter 10~ My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. —T-SHIRT

Chapter 11~ To save time, let’s assume I know everything. —T-SHIRT

Chapter 12~ Life is short. Buy the shoes. —INSPIRATIONAL POSTER

Chapter 13~ If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable. —T-SHIRT

Chapter 14~ If god is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.  —BUMPER STICKER

Chapter 15~ I’d rather be in Virginia. —T-SHIRT WORN OFTEN BY REYES FARROW

Chapter 16~ I don’t expect everything to be handed to me. Just set it down wherever.—T-SHIRT

Chapter 17~ By reading this, you have given me brief control over your mind.—T-SHIRT

Chapter 18~ What the world needs is more geniuses with humility. There are so few of us. —T-SHIRT

Chapter 19~  Never underestimate the power of a woman  on a double espresso with a mocha latte chaser high. —T-SHIRT

Chapter 20~ I came into this world covered in someone else’s blood and screaming. I’m not afraid to leave it the same way. —T-SHIRT

Chapter 21~ According to scientists, alcohol is a solution. —T-SHIRT

 

Sixth Grave On the Edge

Chapter 1~ A blank is the only thing I draw well. — T-SHIRT

Chapter 2~ Note to self: Thanks for always being there. — T-SHIRT

Chapter 3~ Coffee doesn’t ask silly questions. Coffee understands. — BUMPER STICKER

Chapter 4~ My boyfriend called me a stalker. Well, he’s not actually my boyfriend… — STATUS UPDATE

Chapter 5~ I’m only here to establish an alibi. — T-SHIRT

 Chapter 6~ Sometimes I wrestle my demons. Sometimes we just snuggle. — BUMPER STICKER

Chapter 7~ I lost my virginity, but I still have the box it came in. — T-SHIRT

Chapter 8~ Clothes? Sufficient / Keys? found ’em / Coffee cup? full / Sanity? sanity? — T-SHIRT

Chapter 9~ I don’t know what I’d do without coffee. Probably 15 to 20 in the state pen. — BUMPER STICKER

Chapter 10~ I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure. — T-SHIRT

Chapter 11~ It’s a beautiful day. I think I’ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit. — BUMPER STICKER

 Chapter 12~ I have a perfect body. It’s in my trunk. — T-SHIRT

Chapter 13~ Sometimes I write “drink coffee” on my to-do list just to feel like I’ve accomplished something. — STATUS UPDATE

Chapter 14~ The fastest way to a man’s heart is by tearing a hole through his rib cage. — T-SHIRT

Chapter 15~ The most important thing is to not be on fire. Ask someone who is on fire, and they will tell you that the most important thing is to not be on fire. — TRUE FACT

Chapter 16~ Danger: Attitude subject to change without notice. — T-SHIRT

Chapter 17~ Oh, my. What a lovely shade of bitch you’re wearing today.   — T-SHIRT

Chapter 18~ Remember, it’s all fun and games until somebody loses an eyeball, and then it’s, “Hey! free eyeball!” — T-SHIRT

Chapter 19~  Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?  — T-SHIRT

Chapter 20~ There should be one line at every store for people who have their shit together.   — TRUE FACT

Chapter 21 ~Misery loves company,  which explains my sudden popularity.   — T-SHIRT

Chapter 22~ On a scale of one to stepping on a LEGO, how much pain are you in?  — SIGN IN HOSPITAL

Chapter 23~Bad decisions make good stories. — T-SHIRT

 Chapter 24 ~  More caffeine!  I’ve got lives to ruin! — T-SHIRT

 

 Seventh Grave and No Body

Chapter 1~ I often question my sanity. Occasionally, it replies. — T-SHIRT

Chapter 2~ We are all searching for someone whose demons play well with ours.   — BUMPER STICKER

Chapter 3~ I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe. — BUMPER STICKER

Chapter 4~ I don’t think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this unmedicated.   — T-SHIRT

Chapter 5~ Of course I’m an organ donor. Who wouldn’t want a piece of this? — T-SHIRT

 Chapter 6~ My life is just like a soap opera filmed in a psychiatric ward. — T-SHIRT

Chapter 7~ Restraint: not just for sex anymore. — T-SHIRT

Chapter 8~ Most of what I call “cooking” is just melting cheese on stuff.  — T-SHIRT

Chapter 9~ See owner for mounting instructions.  — NOVELTY UNDERWEAR

Chapter 10~ You’re the reason I get up in the morning.   That, and I need to pee. — E-CARD

Chapter 11~ “A wine, please.”  “Ma’am, this is McDonald’s.”  “Okay, a McWine, please.” — MCDONALD’S DRIVE-THROUGH, 2 A.M

Chapter 12~ I don’t want you to forget this moment.   In about a week, I’ll come up with a scathing retort.  — T-SHIRT

Chapter 13~ Help someone when they’re in trouble, and they’ll remember you when they’re in trouble again. — FORTUNE COOKIE

Chapter 14~ If I’m upset, hold me and tell me how beautiful I am.  If I growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate.  — BEST. ADVICE. EVER.

 Chapter 15~ Lead me not into temptation. Follow me instead! I know a shortcut!  — T-SHIRT

Chapter 16~ Never underestimate the power of termites.   — BUMPER STICKER

Chapter 17~  I already know I’m going to hell.  At this point, it’s really go big or go home.   — T-SHIRT

Chapter 18~  mawage \’mah-’wahge\ n.  1; a bwessed awangement   2; a dweam wifin a dweam — T-SHIRT

 

Eighth Grave After Dark

 Chapter 1~   Sometimes I crave pickles. Other times I crave the blood of my enemy. Weird. – Charley Davidson

 Chapter 2~   Irony: Tho Opposite of Wrinkly. – T-Shirt

 Chapter 3~  Cremation of the body is final. – Sign in Funeral Home

 Chapter 4~  Sometimes I wonder if the purpose of my life is to serve as a cuationary tale to others. – T-Shirt

 Chapter 5~  Some days I look back on my life and I’m extremely impressed I’m still alive. – T-Shirt

 Chapter 6~  My death will probably be caused by being sarcastic at the wrong time. – True Fact

 Chapter 7~  A friend will help you if someone knocks you down. A best fried will pic up a bat and say. “Stay down. I got this.” – True Story

 Chapter 8~  Anxiety Girl! Able to Jump to the wrong conclusion in a single bound. – T-Shirt

 Chapter 9~  Applicants must pass an oral exam before advancing to the next course. – Novelty Underwear

 Chapter 10~  People will stop asking questions if you answer back in interpretive dance. – T-shirt

 Chapter 11~  God gives us only what we can handle. Apparently, God thinks I’m a badass. – Bumper Sticker

 Chapter 12~   It was a sad a disappointing day when I discovered my Universal Remote Control did not, in fact, control the universe. (Not even remotely.) – MEME

 Chapter 13~  Nope. Can’t go to Hell. Satan still has a restraining order against me. – Bumper Sticker

 Chapter 14~  I have completely mastered the right way of doing everything wrong. – T-shirt

 Chapter 15~  Like the suicidal raccoon, I, Too, will fuck up your alignment if you run me over. – T-Shirt

 Chapter 16~ Earth: The Insane Asylum of the Universe. – T-Shirt

 

The Dirt on Ninth Grave

Chapter 1 ~ Remember, it’s never too late to give LSD a shot. —T-SHIRT

Chapter 2 ~ Alex, I’ll take The Slightly Less Traumatic Life for $400.—JEOPARDY! CONTESTANT

Chapter 3 ~ You can’t make someone love you. You can only stalk them and hope for the best. —INTERNET MEME

Chapter 4 ~ Being an adult means never having to show your work on math problems. —T-SHIRT

Chapter 5 ~ I don’t think I could ever complete anyone. But driving someone insane sounds doable.—INTERNET MEME

Chapter 6 ~ I  have seen things. Awful things.  Empty coffee cup things.—T-SHIRT

Chapter 7 ~ I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life. If I die next Thursday. —T-SHIRT

Chapter 8 ~ A lot of people are alive because I shed too much hair to get away with murder.  —INTERNET MEME

Chapter 9 ~ Without coffee, I’m just a really tall two-year-old.  —T-SHIRT

Chapter 10 ~Signs you drink too much coffee: You don’t sweat. You percolate.    —INTERNET MEME

Chapter 11 ~ I was dropped as a baby. Into a pool of awesomeness and badassery.   —T-SHIRT

Chapter 12 ~ Signs you drink too much coffee:   Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. —INTERNET MEME

Chapter 13 ~ A dyslexic man walks into a bra… —T-SHIRT

Chapter 14 ~ Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance…  The five stages of waking up.—BUMPER STICKER

Chapter 15 ~ I don’t understand your specific kind of crazy, But I do admire your commitment to it. —T-SHIRT

Chapter 16 ~ Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of my productivity.—T-SHIRT

Chapter 17 ~ Ahhh, Friday… My second favorite F-word. —T-SHIRT

Chapter 18 ~ If only one of my personalities liked to clean house. —T-SHIRT

Chapter 19 ~ I don’t like making plans for the day. Because then the word “premeditated” gets thrown around the courtroom. —INTERNET MEME

Chapter 20 ~ Life ain’t all burritos and strippers, my friend.—TRUE FACT

Chapter 21 ~ I see dead people.  No, wait. I take that back. I see people I want dead. —ECARD

Chapter 22 ~ Every girl wants to be swept off her feet. It’s when you put her in the trunk that she starts to freak out. —INTERNET MEME

Chapter 23 ~ We are the granddaughters of the witches you weren’t able to burn.—UNKNOWN

 

The Curse of Tenth Grave

Chapter 1 ~ Charley Davison:  Maybe she’s born with it.  Maybe it’s caffeine.

Chapter 2 ~You can’t control everything.  Your hair was put on your head to remind you of that.  —Meme

Chapter 3 ~ What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin?  (—Asking for a friend.)

Chapter 4 ~ I tried to start a gang once. It turned into a book club. —Meme

Chapter 5 ~ My love is like a candle. Carry me and I’ll light your path. Forget me and I’ll burn your fucking house down. —T-shirt

Chapter 6 ~ I can never remember if I’m the good sister or the evil one. —T-shirt

Chapter 7 ~ It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.   —Dave Barry

Chapter 8 ~ I’m not a ride-or-die kind of girl. I have questions.  Where are we riding to?  Why do I have to die?   Can we get food on the way?  —Meme

Chapter 9 ~When I was a kid…  No, wait, I still do that.  —T-shirt

Chapter 10 ~I think senility is going to be a fairly smooth transition for me.  —True Fact

Chapter 11 ~ If one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted.  —Bumper Sticker

Chapter 12 ~ I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow up.  Mostly, cause I’m still looking for ideas. —Meme

Chapter 13 ~I’m fairly certain that, given a cape and a nice tiara, I could save the world.  —True Fact

Chapter 14 ~  Just when you think you have all of your ducks in a row, someone comes along and teaches you the recipe to Duck a l’Orange, and you realize you can live without a duck or two.  —Meme

Chapter 15 ~ I miss being able to slam the phone down in anger.  Violently pressing “End Call” just isn’t the same.   —Meme

Chapter 16 ~ Right? And I’m not even on drugs. —T-shirt

Chapter 17 ~The man who invented chocolate vodka more than makes up for the bastard who invented pantyhose. —Katie Graykowski

Chapter 18 ~ Things we hated as children: Naps and being spanked. Things we love as adults: Naps and being spanked. —Meme

Chapter 19 ~ I’m one step away from being rich. All I need now is money. —Meme

Chapter 20 ~ Money may not be able to buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle. —Meme

Chapter 21 ~ Coffee Debauchery Madness  One down. Two to go.—Status Update

Chapter 22 ~ My decision-making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel crossing the street. —Meme

Chapter 23 ~ I was ready to take on the world, until I saw something sparkly.—T-shirt

Chapter 24~ My family’s coat of arms is a wrap around and ties in the back. Is that normal? —Mostly True Fact

Chapter 25~ If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. —Stephen Wright

Chapter 26~ Don’t borrow trouble. Gotcha. So, then, can I rent it? —Charley Davidson

Chapter 27~ Hearts are wild creatures. That’s why our ribs are cages.—Author Unknown

Chapter 28~The fact that there’s a Highway to Hell and only a Stairway to Heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.—Meme

Chapter 29~ Would someone please poke holes in the lid of my jar? —T-shirt

Eleventh  Grave In Moonlight

Chapter 1  ~ Lord, help me be the sort of person my psychiatrist medicates me to be. —T-shirt

Chapter 2 ~ Insanity takes its toll. Please have exact change. —Meme

Chapter 3 ~ Talking to yourself is okay. Answering back is risky. —Brian Spellman

Chapter 4  ~ Why yes, I have discovered the joy of cooking. It’s when my husband does it.—Meme

Chapter 5 ~ She has moments when she seems stable, but then so does nitroglycerin. b—Meme

Chapter 6 ~ A lot of people are only alive because I shed too much hair to ever get away with murder. —Meme

Chapter 7 ~ I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet, so if I get a life, I’ll be notified immediately. —Bumper sticker

Chapter 8 ~ Children see magic because they look for it. —Christopher Moore

Chapter 9 ~ Everyone complains about the weather, but no one wants to sacrifice a virgin to change it. —True fact

Chapter 10 ~ Thank God I don’t have to hunt for my food. I don’t even know where tacos live. —Meme

Chapter 11 ~ I never said I’d die without coffee. I said other people would. —Meme

Chapter 12 ~ I talk an awful lot of shit for someone who can’t put underwear on without tipping over. —T-shirt

Chapter 13 ~ Some days I just stay inside, because it feels too peopley out there.—True fact

Chapter 14 ~ Bat-shit crazy really brings out the color in my eyes. —T-shirt

Chapter 15 ~ If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only “attempted” murder. —Meme

Chapter 16 ~ Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my needs.—T-shirt

Chapter 17 ~ My entire life can be summed up in one sentence: “Well, that didn’t go as planned.” —T-shirt

Chapter 18 ~ Life isn’t a fairy tale.  If you lose a shoe at midnight, you’re drunk. —Meme

Chapter 19 ~ I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times, you know, just to be sure.—T-shirt

Chapter 20 ~ She has been through hell, so believe me when I say,fear her when she looks into a fire and smiles. —E. Corona

Chapter 21 ~ I ran out of coffee this morning. Tequila seemed a reasonable replacement. Everyone is so pretty today! —Meme